Don't forget to number your posts... and have fun!
Don't forget to number your posts... and have fun!
I.
It all started with one last wish.
You wanted me to be successful
and I wanted you to leave.
I've completely lost count
of all the times
my smile faded.
I guess I lost the motivation
somewhere along the way
to finding out who I really was.
Now I say this
with fear and with
hope that you will somehow
come back.
But the tombstone
sporting your name
is crushing those hopes
and burying them with you.
[I apologize]
For my childish antics
I know you resent me still
but as a Father,
I hope you forgave me
when you took that last breath.
And I suppose if you didn't
I hope those
emotions have been released
and that you no longer
have to carry the weight
of my failures.
Rest in Peace, Dad.
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the theory of cause and effect is flawed,
we expect the outcome to mirror the struggle, that's wrong.
I've completely lost count
of all the times
my smile faded.
^I'm right there with you.
Respect for this Kon, it's obvious from the writing that the concept of this piece is personal to you, so respect from letting emotions flow the way you did.
I pin-pointed the writing above^ as it stands out from the piece and hit's like a force 9 when you take it in. Same as I said for Abi, that last stanza was deep and tied the deep emotions together, fantastic.
Peace Kon.
never thought you'd miss the blueprints in my eyes.
s c y t s o p h r e n i a
II. Eye Realize.
Eyes notice the simplest things,
and I notice
how you try to hide
your eyes from mine.
You act as if
eye can't see your ilashes
hiding the truth.
I apologize in advance
for the way my eyes deceive.
but they just want to see
inside of you,
and what makes you tick.
The mirror ball inside
just reflects
all the nights you were
alone.
And if nothing else, I
just want you to know
that you're
never alone; with me.
#subliminal.
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the theory of cause and effect is flawed,
we expect the outcome to mirror the struggle, that's wrong.
I use the eyes theme often in my pieces. Working on one right now. lol. But yeah, I think I probably write about eyes more than faces because they convey so much.
Liked the first few lines - very simple yet they just sounded nice. If you wanted to extend this piece I'd expand a bit on that second stanza... how is it they deceive? Felt there is more to the story than what we see in the lines.
As for your first piece...
So personal. So honest. Hopefully writing it helped bring some catharsis. Thank you for sharing it with us.
ArtificialIntelligence
TNL
ps... abi punchlines are played
III.
Cigarettes
Surrounded by you
my teeth chatter and scream out
I just need your warmth.
IV.
I'm sorry that you're
stuck counting on me.
Cause I'm kind of a flake
and I disappear
when you need me most.
I've never been good with math,
I don't know how to
decipher the problems
that we run from
once they rise.
I've done it to her, to you
heard both stories many times.
And even though
this doesn't add up.
We will solve this.
So sleep deprived.
V.
I don't know where to begin.
Maybe this is the end.
It was never meant to be
you were never
the one for me.
Maybe it never started at all.
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the theory of cause and effect is flawed,
we expect the outcome to mirror the struggle, that's wrong.
Fuck you double post.
Last edited by Jukon; April 7th, 2011 at 06:29 PM
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the theory of cause and effect is flawed,
we expect the outcome to mirror the struggle, that's wrong.
VI.
You're just one more
forgotten memory to hang
from a string on my wall.
the noose that carries you,
bounces and loses
all consciousness.
The ceiling fan, turns
and provides air
when you cut off my oxygen.
everytime you
look back at me with
those; dead eyes.
VII.
Seven--
days of each week
ways to seem weak.
mistakes that I can't forget.
Six--
Apologies you won't accept.
melodies you constantly repeat.
glasses of wine that helps you drown.
Five--
senses that make me human.
emotions I can't hate.
songs that stay in my head.
Four--
pictures that stain my walls.
hours that I can't get back
months I wanted to relapse.
Three-
lies I practiced and memorized.
words I said over and over again..
tears I shed when you left.
Two--
People in the ground this year.
bouquets that no one caught.
lives I never witnessed.
One--
goodbye remains on my lips
hug that I'll never get back
love, you'll always be that.
VIII.
Moving on
takes time
but my clock is frozen.
on the seconds
that we
kissed, and fucked.
questions that rise,
are you ready, is it time?
baby, as long our hearts
beat together, in a melody
with perfect rhythm.
it'll always be
the right time.
IX.
I'll never be
caught up.
but...
this is a start.
it'll never be over
it'll never change
it'll never faulter
but
there's no way around pain.
the truth is
I'm broken inside.
and as it makes
it's way to the outside
my mask will fall.
this is no masquerade ball,
no harlequin women,
no golden shoes
to take you home.
just me, in a car
with you by my side.
taking the roads less
traveled.
and when the road
curves, remember
to hold on tight.
wear your seatbelt
and just face the light.
finally caught up
X.
Footprints in the dark,
dust finally settles; but
i will never see.
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the theory of cause and effect is flawed,
we expect the outcome to mirror the struggle, that's wrong.
XI.
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