Originally Posted by
E-bien
yooo, I've had a few battles just been gettin used to dis, n realised u need to do ya research on da nigga ya battlin etc. but still cnt get why my last sets bin rated so weak... for example i battled a dude in the AAFES n used this
Ur not street ur a family guy, send another up,
Monster, please, u put a pic of ya mother up,
the wording was bad on this, you write here like if your writing to a beat, this in text is a problem because you're cutting yourself short. To understand the proper syllable count for text, you will need to watch more live battles like Smack, king of the dot, etc. In text, rhyming the word up with itself is frowned upon as a lack of creativity. The concept in itself here wasn't too bad but you lack harshness due to the lack of wording. Too many commas can make your flow seem choppy, the reading should be natural and fluid.
betta cover up, like dis was battle ground trainin,
Ass 4 money only thing dis nigga exchangin,
same as above, you also need to build up to the punch and use a form of misdirection. in your bar you should explain why he's exchanging sex for money and why should we dislike him for it other then the obvious reason. Put a little more thought into it.
Won't go racist, fuck a whitey fuck a blackie,
Im british, so if u wanna hit aim for an iraqi,
this wasn't a punch at all, it just rhymed, didn't have any sting or thought behind it that would make us look at it and say that its fresh.
Sick of playin games, now barz got me-bored,
Only time dis bitch see f5's on a key-board,
this could have been much more creative, the flow was bad because of the syllable count, rule of thumb is you don't want your second line to be shorter then your first, it usually doesn't work out well for your flow.
try fly, U won't fly high with any rhymes,
Ur just a pussy who watched top gun too many times
what exactly does try fly mean? lol.. this would only be good if it was a personal, you would have to find a quote where he said something along the lines of "I enjoy watching top gun" then it was make more sense for you to put up here. As it stands its what we call a filler bar, which is used to fill lines for battles where you don't feel like wasting good bars or feel the need to do so. I use fillers all the time in FL.
but basically got told it wuz shit lol I like dis site dude, any chance of some help? Peace
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