Enter The Mind.

[Ikon Spire]

A poem a wrote a while back...

You're entering the mind of someone with anxiety and depression
Someone who fails to see the obsession of possessions
A person who doesn't fathom the suppression of this recession
A person who only has poetry as his blessing of expression

You're entering the mind of someone who drinks excessively
Someone who tries to live life progressively
A person who can learn things exceptionally
A person who has demons possessing me

A role damaged but intriguing
A soul banished and is bleeding
My whole plan is me retreating
An old man vanquished by his beating

Born with nothing, die with nothing
Nothing but the lessons of life
I feel I must live for something
Something other than addressing strife

[Jukon]

you have 24 hours from the original post to get a feedback link.

[MuhThugga]

I think your piece suffers from trying to rhyme. Rhyming can help or hinder the flow of a poem, and I think it does the latter in your case. For instance, "A person who can learn things exceptionally/A person who has demons possessing me." The coherence of the last line seems to have been forfeited for the sake of continuing the rhyme.

Tighten up the syllables of each line. There are times when your lines are way too long for the sake of fitting in the rhyme scheme you have created for the verse.